Saturday, February 26, 2005

Gap

hey ppl... it has been quite awhile. sorry for not keeping you ppl up to date. haha. well, life is hell for me for the pass few days. i realise that i have been a jerk around my bros and sis. i am like complaining to felicia alot of things. and i think is is not a good sign in christ likeness. persuing christ likeness is the key to my life. but certain qns that really stuck me. God is great. i am certain about it. even though God and i got "gap", He still understands my heart. the only thing that is left is to trust Him in my aspect of life. "wat is your purpose in kids ministry?" mushroom ask me. "dunno". dunno. the word that is hung on my mouth, with sofistication. dunno = dun wanna say? dunno = really dunno? dunno = cannot phrase?
i realise that i am the kind that goes with the flow. 2 yrs, i've not been lisitening well or having the effort to seek my revelation and purpose. whn the time is ripe to serve, i'm stuck. mushroom's qns are so indispensible to me. simple, yet complex. "why you come to kids minitry? if you wanna improve, hit the main or youth or chinese. why kids?" why kids? this thought stuck my brain. y kids? 2 words. y kids? i dunno.
i lost my paitence while waiting for mushroom's ans whether i can stay in kids. i felt my nerves just go against mushroom. this is not the 1st time i go against ppl. when i go against them, the person dun even know, coz i kept it away from thm. i told sugar about it, and sugar ask me not to worry. and thurday came to my senses, bass lesson brightens up my day and i was looking forward to it, mr ownsome got the hang of the bass and i trashed the drums. it is really fun. when i got home, it was 10.45 pm. mushroom called me, and said that i am in. i'm glad. but it came with a consequence, i'm out of my 1st official main worship team duty. at 1st, i thought of mushroom but i know that mushroom will not want to do this to me. so i wrap up this case as, "wo gen ye shu you "gap"".
sigh. i thought that i am a weird person. the ministries in church need ppl, and ppl dun wanna go to them. i go to the ministries, and the ministries wanna drop me. haha. i'll just laugh it off.
well i think i wanna say this to God, it is from a song,
i'll worship at Your throne
whisper my own love song
with all my heart i'll sing
for You my Dad and King
i'll live for all my days
to put a smile on Your face
and when we finally meet
it'll be for eternity
- Hillsong, Forever
it speaks out humility.
bring the heart of worship to God in quietness
not 'sing' nor 'shout', but whisper
living his days for God, and God only
just to see Him smile
smile, just smile
imagine God moving his lips and smile.
he dun expect anything from God, except for a twitch on God's lips
so humble.

Father God in heaven, reveal your intricate will to the brothers and sisters that have gone though this blog. i have nothing much to give to these ppl out there that are lost in the wilderness of their sins. i noe, Lord, Your grace is sufficient. it is more thn sufficient to them. so in Jesus name and authority, i ask for a breakthrough. Be blessed, O Lord.
In Jesus name, i pray
Amen

-edmund

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